Suffering is optional.
I love being able to hang out with my brother and his family. I love living right next door to them. Family is very important to me. So of course when I got the call asking if I want to go firework shopping and to the car show with him, I said yes. The Fourth of July is our favorite Holiday. We always put on a huge show and have a lot of fun. We have been told many times by people around town that they love our show and ours is better then the towns. But I digress.
So even though I was hurting, I woke up hurting, I got dressed and went out with him. I don't really like car shows but I decided to go, get out of the house for a bit and get a little exercise. I knew right away while at the store looking at fireworks that the pain was gonna be bad, but I didn't say anything.
After shopping Dan decided we where gonna pick up Nate. Nate is like a second brother to me, so I was cool with it. Nate's family. I should have realized, getting two guys together at a car show, it was gonna be a long day.
We walked around stood at each car and talked, twice. My lower back and my left hip where killing me. I needed to sit. When Dan finally asked are you ready to go, I was excited. Getting in the car and going home sounded like heaven. So we walked to our car, why they put the blockades so far away so you have to so far away is beyond me. I think they wanted to torture me. But we finally made it.
I knew I'd be in pain, I knew there wasn't a way to get all my pain to go away, and I have accepted that. But I never got to be sad. I went from the diagnosis to acceptance right away. There's gotta be an in between. I need to be able to cry and as THIS SUCKS! So I'm going to go back and let me self do just that.
THIS SUCKS! I hate this, I have a high pain tolerance thank god, but this hurts! I know it's not the worst pain out there. I know there are others worse off then me and I should be grateful. But right now, I'm going to let myself breakdown. Because sometimes, you have to breakdown before you can put yourself back together again. And I'm going to allow myself just that.
Today I'm gonna cry a little, and mope and pout.
Tomorrow I'll go back to accepting it.