Monday, September 26, 2011

Getting Use to Normal

I've never been normal. But ya know I'm okay with that. I always have been.

I'm use to sitting down more often, getting out of breath faster. I'm use to taking multiple pills daily while normal people my age take none. I'm use to missing school, and other events for doctors appointments.

I've even use to being not normal in things not pertaining to my heart. I like to dip BBQ chips in chocolate pudding, I microwave my ice cream and many other things I've been told are not normal.

I'm use to it, I work around it, or I work with it.
But for the past 4(ish) years I was getting worse. I got exhausted by the littlest movements. I couldn't walk room to room without being in major pain.

Turns out it was Atrial Fibrillation and my heart was dilated and up against my breastbone. That's what was causing the pain, that is why I couldn't walk room to room. Why I couldn't do almost anything. But they fixed it with open heart surgery. Two months after surgery though it failed.

Those two months where glorious. I could walk room to room without pain. I could make my bed without pain, though I was still exhausted. I was recovering from open heart surgery after all. I was excited. This was the start of a new, more productive life.

But then the palpitations came back. The pain while making the bed came back. I figured it was just something I would have to live with. But that's okay, I could still walk room to room! They removed part of my heart so it was no longer on my breast bone. That was the main reason I couldn't walk room to room. So that was fixed. I was happy. I could deal. I could make my bed, it just hurt.

But over time it just kept getting worse. I stopped making my bed all together. It wasn't a conscious decision. It just happened, because of the rapid heart rate and pain. Walking was still good though so I thought I was okay. But then the rapid heart rate came more frequently. It came when I was sitting down, when I wasn't doing anything. I knew something was wrong. I'd known for 2 years but the doctors didn't believe so I gave up. I figured it's something I'd just have to live with. So I did. And I could deal for a time. I dealt for 2 years. Until the rapid heart rate came while I was just sitting down and lasted 30 minutes. It went away but then came right back when I got up to make a sandwich. That's when I knew I couldn't deal anymore.

3 ER visits, 6 days in the hospital and 1 cardioversion (that's when they shock your heart with those paddles) later, I was in a normal heart rhythm. I haven't been in a normal for so long that I didn't even try to do "normal" things. That is until just recently I washed my sheets and had to make my bed again.

That's when I found out I can make my bed again. It's been so long since I've done that! It's been almost 2 weeks since the cardioversion and I haven't had one palpitation or rapid hear heart. I can dance around my room again. I can clean. I can do normal things again.

I'm not use to normal!

1 comment:

  1. I remember you doing the post in our group about making your bed and thought umm ok that's weird everyone can make a bed without pain, and reading this it clicked and I am so glad I read it. People like me (who are normal on the inside)take for granted small things like making their bed, funny I don't make my bed why I will just mess it up later :) But it makes me want to go throw my husband off the bed just to make it! Thank you for reminding me how the little things are important that most of us take for granted!