I wrote you a letter years ago, but I figured it was time again. Anyways I lost the original letter. So I guess here goes.
I'm mad at you. You left me when I was only 11. I wasn't ready for you to go. We didn't have enough time to prepare. You where healthy, in remission, and then on day you got a cold. That night at 12:01 am, you where gone. Dead, never coming back. And I was left behind without a father.
You weren't there to give my highschool boyfriends the "father with a shot gun" stare. You weren't there to tell me I looked to old when I got all dressed up for school dances. You weren't there to yell at me when I was being a bitch to mom. You just weren't there for a lot of things. The little things, dance recitals, camping trips, family outtings. Just the every day little things.
You weren't there for the slightly bigger things either, Christmas's, Birthday's, Fourth of July's and every other special day.
And you weren't there for the really big things. My heart surgery. I really would have loved to have my father there. To hold my hand, kiss my forehead, tell me everything is going to be alright. But you weren't I had to be a blanket of your clothes with me. It was the only way you could be there, to comfort me.
There are many things you wont be able to be there for also. More birthdays and holidays, camping and family outtings. Many little things. But what truly makes me angry is, when I get married, you wont be able to walk me down the isle. I'll NEVER get that father daughter dance. And dammit dad I really want that dance!
I watch movies and see wedding scenes. The pretty dresses is what most girls focus on, but me, I stare at the dad. I cry everytime I see a wedding scene. Because those girls get there daddy walking them down the isle. The dances is what really brings the tears. Some sweet song and a dad and daughter dancing. I want that. I want that so bad.
But you know what. I'm happy for you too. You are free from pain. You are in heaven. How glorious that must be. I hated seeing you sick. Hell I hate seeing anyone sick. And now, your no longer sick. You are finally cured from the evil disease. And for that I am thankful.
And though I miss you like crazy and am upset I'll never get that dance, I forgive you.
I know if your body could have fought more, you would have. You never gave up on us, you just reached the end of your battle. You won and you went home.
I'll see you again some day.
Save me a dance when I get there.
I love you