Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Give me Strength

Well I guess this blog as turned into a diary of sorts. A way to talk to my father. Which I guess isn't bad. It helps, at least I think. So here I go again, I'm going to talk to my dad.
Last night, for the first time in a long time, I cried myself to sleep. I don't know why it happened. But you where just on my mind I guess. I'm thinking of October 16. The day I made the biggest mistake of my life. It's approuching quickly and this year there is more to it. This year, marks 10 years since I made that mistake. This year, it is also Dan's wedding. I don't know why he picked October 16th. The day before you died. I wish I could ask him why, but I can't. Mom keeps saying well at least there is now something happy to celebrate at that time. But I don't see it that way. I can't see it that way.
I made the worst mistake of my life on October 16th 2000. And now, exactly 10 years later, I have to celebrate a wedding. He is my brother and I am SOOO happy for him! But it will be very hard on me. I need you to watch over me and make sure I don't break down during his wedding. Because I wan't to break down just thinking about it now. I'll be drinking and dancing, and you should be there with us. And you wont. And that just makes me mad.
But I will put on a happy face. I will be a part of that wedding. I will laugh, and dance, and drink. I will have fun, even though I am sad. I just need you to be there with me.
I love you dad.

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